How To Become Unstuck From Self-Defeating Dialogue!

Gary John Bishop's Book which is called Unfu*K Yourself - Get Out of Your Head And Into Your Life, is not for the faint hearted and only for those willing to commit 100% to changing their self-defeating mindset dialogue. I brought this book during travel in an airport, due to the fact that it definitely got my attention. As a Fibrowarrior with cognitive issues (memory and concentration challenges), this book has been easier to read at my own pace and to retain information.

It is worthwhile reading especially if you are currently feeling stuck mindset wise, and struggle with self-defeating language. You are ready to come off that never ending mindset trap and hamster wheel and to start actualizing your entrepreneurship business goals.

What are some of the self-defeating words you use to describe yourself, as an aspiring or existing Entrepreneur and/or Small Business?

I’ll start off with self-defeating words, which I have used in the past, which left me feeling trapped in a 9-5pm full time career which I wanted to change but felt trapped due to numerous reasons (excuses mostly);

I am shy and a procrastinator and I can’t change it.
I am going to fail if I try and won’t be successful
I am too old to do A,B,C.
I am too shy and introverted to speak on camera, or on stage.
My voice does not sound right, or I do not look good to be on camera.
I am not intelligent, or experienced enough to start something of my own right now.
I am too busy, have financial responsibilities can’t start my own entrepreneurship business right now.

First things first, it normal to be ones own worst critic – you are human being after all right? . It would be a lie if we were to say you can never use or think of negative words. What is important here is acknowledge negative words, which impede you from becoming who you truly want to be. Words which stop you in your track, leave you feeling frustrated/angry on a never-ending hamster wheel.

Your battles with your worst critic – YOU? May look something like the following below;

I am not good enough.

I am failure and will never be successful.

I have tried before and failed, therefore will never be successful

I will make a mistake and fail.

Other people will notice that I am not experienced, skilled or good enough.

Life is too hard, therefore I will never be able to achieve what I want

I am lazy, shy or a procrastinator and that’s just who I am. I can’t help it.

Life is so unfair, I am not meant to be successful that other person is lucky.

You will often find yourself emptying your energy cup and fuel, due these defeating self-talk which you may not even realize that is the reason you are exhausted in the first place. These feelings and emotions may leave you feeling as though you may never get off the hamster wheel.

Note some of the self-defeating talk, you will not be aware of as it is can be subtle and a passing thought.

We all spending the majority of time talking to ourselves each day – in our headspace. The type of self-talk you engage in with yourself can have a profound impact on the quality of your life.

“The language you use to describe your circumstances determines how you see, experience and participate in them and dramatically affects how you deal with your life and confront problems big and small.”

Negative self-talk: creates bigger problems, smaller problems escalate into something bigger.

How to become unstuck from self-defeating dialogue?

It takes continuous self-development work and effort to unlearn old habit and to adapt new ones. There is this misconception that you can just applying Positive Affirmations and things will change.

First things first- you have to buy into wanting to change 100% and be willing to open to becoming vulnerable (this is the hard part – as it means digging deeper into thoughts and experiences you may not want to).

You have to be open to investing in help to assist in improving your well-being in exchange for materialistic luxuries.

Be open to being fully present with your thoughts – recognizing and owning them. Also keeping a diary of what you often say to yourself to help you start realizing the unhelpful language you use which hinders your growth. So that you have the opportunity to start challenging your negative and self-defeating talk.

Yes 100% Positive self-talk improves mood, boosts confidence and increases productivity. It also improves outlook on life to a more optimistic outlook. Again ideally it is better to get help.

“If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one’s feelings by controlling one’s thoughts – or changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.” – Albert Ellis

Sounds to do right? – Not so much the case in reality, especially if you challenges with internal and external mindset challenges (self-limiting beliefs tendencies and pressure from external influences).

“It’s not that you have to find the other, you are the answer.” – Gary John Bishop

Tips from Gary Bishop:

Retrain your brain – one word at a time by using assertive language that is helpful. According to Gary scientist have discovered that our thoughts can actually change the physical structure of our brain. You can achieve this through decisive self-talk which help you to take control of your life. It will help to change your outlook and how you engage with the world.

Create the reality you want to live in by starting to have the kind of conversations (with yourself and others) which actually shape that reality.

Aim to perceive the world from an positive and optimistic outlook.

Change narrative self-talk to assertive self-talk – to start minimizing the self-defeating talk.

Avoid words such as “I am going to do, or I will be,” rather aim for the words that are related to taking action in the present. These words relate to actions in the future.

Use words such as “I am willing to , or I embrace, I accept … or I assert …” – real in the moment effective words.

To end, you have the power within you to turn things around and to stop living through pain (self-defeating talk) if you really want to change to your lifestyle around for you and not for anybody else.

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